KEMET UNIVERSITY HOME › Forums › Integral Clergy of Kemet Studies Program › Integral Clergy of Ancient Egypt Studies course-Assignment-handling the heart and its related behaviors › Reply To: Integral Clergy of Ancient Egypt Studies course-Assignment-handling the heart and its related behaviors
The assignment to apply the Gottman principles to interactions in daily life originally seemed like something that would be easy to do. However, that hasn’t been the case for me. Not because I have found it difficult but because for me planning to do the exercise in an upcoming conversation does not provide the type of conversation where use of the principles was warranted. Not being critical of others, being defensive, avoiding contempt in others and stonewalling in communications are all easy for me to do when I go into a conversation with the objective of keeping these in mind through the conversation.
However, when situations develop out the blue in an unexpected way, remembering the principles let alone practice of them for me has not been easy.
Since this assignment has been given, I have had several occasions where I planned on using the practices in a given conversation, yet the conversation did not turn out to be a conversation where use of the principles was warranted. In short, when I have planned on using the principles in a conversation the conversations did not necessitate the use of the principles.
Instead, I have had several conversations since then with immediate family members that happened out of the blue where use of the principles would have been perfect to apply but because of how quickly the conversations went south and my immediate emotional response to it, remembering the principles did not occur.
For each out of the blue occurrence I did not think about the principles until after the conversation ended. Then I was able to evaluate how well (or not) I applied the principles in the heat of the moment again after the conversation ended. For the most part I noticed that I have gotten much better at thinking before I talk and making sure that I only said what I consciously thought about after reflection as opposed to saying what I felt in the moment. Additionally, I noticed that the level of intensity of my feelings of contempt or criticism of the person involved in the conversation has lessened. It’s still there but not as strong.
So again, use of the principles in a planned upcoming conversation hasn’t worked for me. But being engaged in these exercises seems to be making an imprint on me internally because it appears as if I’m using them unconsciously when out of the blue emotional moments occur because the intensity of my reactions has lessened.
Dua Sebai Maa,
Dua Seba Dja,