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Dua for this worthwhile and contemplative assignment as it gives us a focal point to gauge and assess our own personality as we interact with others whether they be in the teachings or not.
I can not really point to a single instance where I used the Gottman technique, because I generally use it every day. Human beings generally make mistakes, are not in control of their life nor are able to control their own personalities. Thus, on a daily basis we come in contact with people who are experiencing various degrees of uncertainty, displeasure with life, pain, irrational thoughts and feelings. Therefore, on a daily and constant basis, with every human interaction it is good to employ the system of avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. It is better to employ the posture of gentle start up, culture of appreciation, take responsibility and physiological self-soothing.
So, on a daily basis, through self-evaluation I can see where I could have done something with regards to the Gottman techniques better, or should have focused more on that particular area. In a such however, I am not experiencing interactions where there is undo upsetness, arguments or harsh interactions. They are mostly smooth and at times depending on the situation can exhibit mild irritations, but thankfully, due to striving hard to change, with self- examination, emulation of the spiritual preceptors and self-reflection, the interactions with others are not of a deleterious nature. I get along very well with my co-workers because I take on a posture of service and if I am not being served, I take on the posture of humility and patience. Thus, serve and be patient and humble.
What really helps with this is detachment with compassion, so not a cold detachment but a detachment imbued with compassion and understanding of the other. I remember once a spiritual teacher said, in response to an aspirant’s complaints of an associate, the teacher said, “people are human beings and human beings make mistakes.” What he was saying was to not take things personally because people will act up, do things that are contrary to harmony because this is inherent within the nature of normal (people not taking on the spiritual path) human beings.
The idea then, therefore, is I try to understand the fragilities of other human beings; some people may be in physical pain but don’t say anything so it comes out as irritability or they may have some pressing personal problem they are trying to handle and thus their reactions may be aggressive or angry. The idea is as the sages of Egypt says, give people an opportunity to express their worries and troubles, it I better to listen than to talk and when it is time to talk do so with understanding and thoughtfulness and by avoiding criticism and try to handle criticism directed at ourselves without being defensive. I used to have a problem with defensiveness. It was pointed out to me by a fellow co-worker some years ago and then I looked at it and try through self- reflection to reduce it, reduce it, reduce it until it is not to the point where it causes serious issues; the idea is to bring these interpersonal issues to a minimalization and route them out of the personality, so the Amemenmope teachings instructs us on how this is done.