Reply To: Integral Studies Program on the Clergy of Ancient Kamit-Special Subjects Discussion Forum for General Posting by Clergy All Students

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Anpu Waset


At the last two Hemu meetings Sebai Maa asked us to read a letter he received from an aspirant who attended the last Neterian Conference in December 2018. Sebai asked us to reflect on the letter which I did and wrote a response to it. Approximately two weeks ago I provided this response to each member of the Hmu body individually. My response was a recommendation/suggestion of what could be done in the future to alleviate the two issues addressed by the aspirant. Those issues are the following:

1. The way Seba Dja was treated by a person attending the conference (Seba Dja was treated rudely), and
2. Why there are people from the Neterian Community doing programs/events outside of Sema.

Sebai Maa provided a written response to my response which is immediately above and sent it to everyone. In it he indicated that the assignment was not given to consider solutions to the issues presented. Instead the assignment was given to have us consider how the issues posed made us “feel.” To paraphrase the assignment was provided as a way to help us begin to understand what some of the ariu is for each of us as it relates to these issues. At our last Hmu meeting Sebai reiterated this.

While reflecting on this assignment I noticed that the feelings I have regarding the aspirant’s issues are the feelings that led me to write my suggestions about how to resolve the issues. They were feelings about why we as an organization have issues like these in the first place. Feelings premised on how we can do better as an organization in these areas so these types of things no longer happen. So, reflecting on the “feelings” I had as a result of these issues led me to doing a critical analysis of not only why I had the feelings I had but also the “feeling process.” In short where do feelings come from? This analysis tells me that I previously had a thought (about how our organization has addressed the issues presented by the aspirant in the past or not), and then that thought led me to a judgment about this causing a feeling (that we can do better) and that the judgment/feeling led me to act (providing recommendations about how to address the issues). To succinctly paraphrase this, I realized that my feelings were/are the by-product of the following process :

 Having a thought about something;
 Forming a judgment about that thought (I like that, I don’t like that etc.); and
 The judgment about the thought creates the “feeling.”

I didn’t reflect long about the issues presented by the aspirant because the issues to me were straightforward and can easily be resolved. But Sebai’s assignment is not designed to resolve the issues. It is designed to assist us with the realization of how the thinking/feeling process interferes with our spiritual awareness. In short, the exercise seems designed to assist us with realizing how our “feelings” are in fact mental agitation which prevents us from having a lucid mind.

Nrutf, the place where nothing grows, the place where there are no thoughts is the state we are seeking to experience in durations of longer and longer moments. For me I was not able to recognize the agitation of my mind based on thoughts and feelings until I started experiencing nrutf moments for longer time periods. This assignment has allowed me to be able to distinguish/differentiate between nrutf mind moments and agitation mind moments. This has been very helpful because until now I really couldn’t see what agitation in my mind is.

The mind aka as the neural network can be described as being circular. There are many synapsis but not all of them fire together. In other words, not all of them are connected. Those that fire together form a network. So, one’s neural network is composed of all the thoughts and feelings a person has had from this and previous lifetimes. Thoughts and feelings from this lifetime are associated with people/places and experiences. This is why the thought of a person or place can make a person feel a particular way. We associate our feelings about things to objects. Thoughts and feelings from previous lifetimes are associated with “gut feelings or compulsion to do or not do something or to like or not like something. All of these thoughts and feelings are connected together through a neural network which looks like a highway system. One road leads to another road and so on and all eventually can lead back to the beginning where a highway trip starts. So, an initial thought for example about liking a piece of cake one is eating can lead to a thought about being at a party where there was cake which makes you feel good because at the party where there was cake you met a person who you liked. This good thought can then lead to a negative thought because this person ended up cheating on you. Now that the thought feeling is now bad this bad feeling thought leads you to recall that you’re not happy with your life which leads to a thought about not liking your job. However, the thought about your job changes into a happy feeling thought because your co-worker has pictures of his dog on his desk and this thought leads you to thinking about your dog that you love. The loving feeling thought can then lead back to the cake you’re eating because of how you feel when you eat it.

All of this can happen over seconds and when it happens it’s difficult to stop. Until doing this exercise I didn’t realize that this is agitation in the mind. Unfortunately, this is happening all of the time and happens during our meditation time period also. This is the agitation in the mind that we practice the teachings to rid ourselves of.

This type of agitation prevents Nrutf moments. However, until I began to experience Nrutf moments this agitated mind is all I knew. Even though we discuss what an agitated mind is I didn’t realize what agitation really is. So, I wasn’t able to recognize my agitated mind moments until this exercise forced me to look at my feelings on the issues presented and across the board in my life. Now I better understand what detachment is and now I can better practice it every day.

Now I better realize why Wisdom married with “Devotion” practices lead to Nehast. The “feeling aspect” of the personality when directed towards that which is real, (which is realized through wisdom) forms a new neural network and the previous network collapses. This is what the practice of the teachings does. It creates a new neural network.

While I have practiced the teachings for several years until this exercise, I was not able to distinguish between how both a lucid and agitated mind operates within me. Previously I thought that because I practice the teachings that my mind was less agitated and automatically more lucid. To a lesser extent this is true. But what was really happening was that my practice of the teachings gave me a reason to believe that I was further along than I actually was. That my mind was becoming lucid and not agitated even though that was not the case. Now I realize that wherever in my personality I have the most feelings is the area I have the most mental agitation. Hence these are the areas where I should practice detachment from.

Dua Sebai Maa for this exercise! It has been an Enlightening one!